Update: I was so impatient to post this that I forgot to add the song at the end, and I even had one already picked out! See below for the video. Or better yet, before you scroll down there, see if you can guess what I picked to accompany this post. If you guess correctly, you are the Lucky Winner!!
I posted an abbreviated version of this for my Facebook friends, but it’s simply too good to hoard there. When we were at the Delaware Shore last week, I made a run to the nearby ginormous strip mall that is dominated by the aptly-named Giant supermarket. After finding everything I needed (no small task in an unfamiliar grocery superstore that appeared to be organized by members of the Random Product Placement Union), I stopped by the bathroom before heading back home. It wasn’t an emergency situation. It was more like my brain succumbed to the power of the suggestion of the universally recognizable sign for a women’s bathroom:
The bathroom was particularly impressive for a grocery store. There was fancy tile work everywhere, spacious stalls (not the kind where you have to stand on top of the toilet seat to close the door), and all sorts of framed quotable quotes on the walls. I’m more accustomed to the single seater unisex bathroom at my local supermarket where it’s best for your olfactory and pulmonary health if you hold your breath for the entire time that you’re in there.
So I stood there for awhile, marveling at this luxurious toiletarium. Before anyone else came in and found me in my slackjawed state, I entered my stall and was struck dumb by the quotable quote that was hanging on the wall above my personal toilet:
I apologize for the slightly blurred photo. I could not stop giggling, which made it hard to hold the camera still. My first thought was disbelief: did they REALLY want me to leave the bathroom without using it, drop trou, somehow crabwalk across the parking lot, and pee a trail from, say, their front doors to my car?? Then I wondered: was this an intentionally selected quotation? If so, what a coup to get hired to find and post quotable quotes in the bathroom of the grocery store, and to use that power to pick a quotation like this. Genius!
I wanted to go down the row of stalls and check every other stall to see if there were similarly brilliant quotations above those toilets. Unfortunately, by the time I was able to take the photo, several other people had come into the bathroom, and I didn’t want to freak them out by hanging around. I was already worried that they’d heard the shutter click of my camera from inside my stall, and were going to take it upon themselves to report me to some sort of authority.
Possible morals of this story:
Don’t wait to use the bathroom until you’re so desperate that your senses begin to shut down, otherwise you can miss out on all kinds of hilarity.
If you get hired to jazz up bathrooms, or if you want to improve the decor of the lavatories in your home, take advantage of your authority and select some quotable quotes that have multiple meanings.
Always carry a camera.
Here is Dale Evans’ take on Ralph Waldo Emerson’s wisdom (she wrote the song):